What a bitty day. One of those where I feel I make moves, progressions, have developments and shifts amongst staff and relationships. Then I am almost shot down in confusion and negative attitudes again - which serve only to promote confusion and questions.
I had a phenomenal gym session - treadmills, cross-trainer, trampetting (alone!, bouncing!) and my walking is improving and becoming more and more natural the more I focus and concentrate on it. I come back and not only is it lunchtime but I am being offered a bowl of custard by one of the nurses just before I am about to have my 'lunch'. What are they playing at? At one level its strictly controlled - no intake that isn't catalogued, strict timings and types of food - the milk and orange juice as opposed to eating fourteen biscuits...blah, blah, blah...and then someone offers you a bowl of yellow plop resembling vomit - and expects you to say yes!? I wonder, again, what their instructions are: it concerns me what they are supposed to be doing and how little/much they know especially as this was JUST BEFORE LUNCH!
The other thing that concerns me is when we start to bring in stuff from home to incorporate into the hospital foods, the confusion potential is large and its going to be a little bit of a minefield, I foresee. And the other overwhelmingly positive things was my vehement rejection of the custard - from a very sacral perspective of dislike and incorrectness. There is no question in my mind that I should have had it - which is rare because I remember a) at Darlington being offered things that I was well within calorific 'rights' to refuse and yet felt guilty for doing so and worried about whether I 'should' have accepted and b) every intake I have had and almost continue to have throughout these early stages I am questioning in its rightness. To feel that vehemence and clarity of response was a gift, and illuminating...but it doesn't escape the weird attitude of the nurses.
I also have not seen the dietician or the doctors so far today...and then my 'lunch' was late. Late? I ask you, please - they couldn't get to the fridge!!! So this is pathetically strict on some moments and then left to flounder on others...there is so little continuity that it is a bit of a nightmare to be involved within. Nevertheless I am succeeding in remaining (fairly) calm, although I nearly crucified someone earlier on for notbringing me the drinks at the right time. It is simply pathetic and stupid that they monitor and then don't - the lack of consistency is a bit like the lumpy custard...disgusting and something I don't respond positively to. I also don't respond well to being pestered for my pots throughout the 20 minutes I had to drink them. The nurse continually kept asking if I'd finished...not the sort of pressure I require...
...anyway, one more meal today that is overseen by them and then hopefully they can just relax themselves within their handling of my treatment. Bizarrely Claire hasn't even written down water, milk and apple consumption today - but they must do these things their own way. I have ceased being so volunteeringly open with information and mostly am patiently letting them and their questioning come to me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment